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380AEW Article

Chapel uses various tools to strengthen relationships

  • Published
  • By Staff Sgt. Jacob Morgan
  • 380th Air Expeditionary Wing Public Affairs
SOUTHWEST ASIA --  "Deployments don't necessarily cause struggles in [relationships], but they reveal them," said Chaplain (Maj.) Michael Howard, 380th Air Expeditionary Wing chaplain. "It's similar to a crisis situation, where a lack of training will reveal weaknesses."

Some of these struggles are easier to tackle when the people involved are physically together. However, being away from family in an unfamiliar location working longer hours and more days than usual can loved ones to lose connections with one another.

A 2013 Department of Defense sponsored study using individual information from 462,444 married enlisted service members, found that deployment increases the risk of divorce and the more months service members are deployed throughout their career increases the risk even more.

Similarly, the 380th Air Expeditionary Wing Chaplains have found that a majority of their time is devoted to helping service members here with relationship problems.

In order to combat the issue preventatively, the Chapel started hosting classes to enrich relationships and teach members the skills to understand, trust, and communicate with their loved ones.

"It really is no secret that the vast majority of the time we deal with relationship issues," said Howard, who calls Memphis, Tenn., home and is deployed from Fairchild Air Force Base, Wash. "Spiritual resiliency goes beyond religion. We are here to speak truth into people's lives and to help people. I can help people with healthy relationship practices and good advice and not even approach a religious conversation if the person seeking help does not want to."

According to Howard, every relationship will face some type of conflict, but often times the conflicts are driven by issues communication, sex or finance. In classes and counseling sessions, Howard stresses the importance of understanding each other's' needs.

One of Howard's classes, "Laugh Your Way to a Better Marriage", consists of five one-hour sessions. Students can expect to be asked questions such as, "what does it mean to choose to forgive?" "What things can your significant other do to prove you are number one?" and "Do you and your significant other keep score and how do each of you add up the points?"

The class also teaches lessons about how women respond to small acts of kindness while men tend to think small thinks don't matter, and how to avoid bitterness and resentment as keys to having a great relationship.

Howard said he tries to keep the class entertaining, relevant and funny to relate to as many people as possible. Most of the lessons are intuitive, but practicing good communication and compromising in relationships can be difficult.

U.S. Air Force Tech. Sgt. Kelly Olivares, a mother of four and dual military spouse, has attended all five sessions for one reason; to improve her marriage.

"We have been married for 11 years and it seems like we go through the motions a lot; we are more like roommates sometimes rather than husband and wife," said Olivares, who calls Chicago, Ill., home and is deployed from Minot Air Force Base, N.D. "The class has helped me get back to basics."

According to Olivares, she shares the lessons learned with her husband, who is in Korea, and their relationship is growing.
Another class attendee, U.S. Air Force Staff Sgt. Johnny Campbell Jr., who has been married for two years, had different reasons for coming to the class.

"I feel like whatever level you're at in your relationship, you can improve," said Campbell, who calls Hattiesburg, Miss., home and is a Mississippi Air National Guard member. "I want to take what I have learned here and not only apply it to my relationships but share it with my family. Even though I haven't been married that long, I feel like most of this applies to all aspects of my life."

Some of the takeaways from the lessons for both Olivares and Campbell are the differences in the meaning of physical interaction for men and women and how important forgiveness is in a relationship. They also agreed that having the Chaplain facilitate brought the conversation to a personal level and it added credibility to the learning process.

"If you have stresses and strains in your relationships; you are naturally distracted from the mission. If we can mitigate some of these stressors and strains by helping people cultivate healthy habits and healthy skills in communication, sex, and money -- that distraction recedes into the background," said Howard. "Problems don't just go away back home by themselves. Eventually they will come back up; we can help with these issues so that Airmen can focus on the mission."